i talk to dumb ppl the same way i talk to a puppy… “who’s blocking the exit?? WHO? who’s blockin’ the way!?! YOU are! yes you are!!!”

Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.

How Do You Create Artificial Intelligence? Dye a blonde’s hair.

I just found spaghetti in our heating ducts if any of you were thinking of having children.

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said “I still love Vista baby!”

What’s the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp.

Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it. Let’s fly into a window.

Our Faults “Once a friend of mine and I agreed that it would be helpful for each of us to tell the other all our faults” “How did it work ?” “We haven’t spoken for five years”.

Four blonds walk into a bar… …cheering “85 Days! 85 Days!” A gentleman inquires “Excuse me, but what’s ’85 days?’” The blonds reply “We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!”

Every time I go to get an HIV test, I’m convinced it’s going to come back positive And every time, I’m right.