Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include “mouth breathing”.

Neil never had a girlfriend… So Neil Armstrong.

My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign. If her parents didn’t want her, why would I.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

Why do North Korean statesmen make for bad lovers? Because they won’t hold a public erection.

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door. Put in the elephant. Close the door.

Time to ban High Capacity Assault Vehicles? how else could we stop this?

What did the homeless man get for christmas ? Hypothermia.

My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!

Scott Stapp thinks he’s Bono. Six Feet From The Edge.