Why are Dutch people so tall? The short ones drowned in the floods

I like to help my children think up cruel nicknames for the other kids at their school.

After twin sisters plummeted off a Hawaii cliff, one died. The other was charged with murder. Just goes to show if you can’t take the sting out of a bee, take the bee from the … sting.

Why did the bike not go to the gym? BECAUSE IT WAS TOO TIRED :D:D:D:D:D:D

Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.

My dad gave me the best advice ever. “Before you marry a woman, meet her mother and you’ll know what your wife will be like in 30 years time” I learned she won’t be giving me head or anal.

HEY GUYS I’M AT NXNE! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?

Fun trick: Swap guacamole with wasabi, then watch.

What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park in it, man.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck fifty, but deer nuts are under a buck!