There was a man who entered a local newspaper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

WOW! You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot! Oh… You’re being serious, about your love for your TC? Oh dear, this is awkward.

the 80 year old lady paying w/ exact change and coupons behind me in line is pissed bc the credit card chip reader is taking too long

If I was a Quidditch player I’d be the Seeker, because I’m really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something.

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.

Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, “Penis!” in public? Life was so simple before 9/11.

*Jesus looks over bill from last supper* “It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver.” “I got this!” Judas yells, almost too quickly.

Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don’t think I’ll be able to curse today. Shucks.

What is the definition of a farmer? Someone who is outstanding in his field. *hehehe* Credit: Laffy Taffy

Doctor doctor I keep thinking I’m a telephone. Doctor: Why’s that? I keep getting calls in the night.