What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What is a paranoid man’s favorite food? Who wants to know?

The poodle said to the german shepherd.. “Hey, you’re foaming at the mouth! Do you have rabies?” The german shepherd smiled and calmly replied “Nah. I just got done blowing myself.”

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.

Sure, Canada, feel safe now while US is just after oil. Wait ’til we run low on beer, ice, hockey players & f’d up ways to pronounce words.

Puts cardboard cutout of myself at my desk a week ago* Receives check* Dang I just got a raise

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well here’s the elastic band.

What does the Israeli Defense Force call their firebombs? Mazel-tov Cocktails

What do you call a dinosaur that’s in a hurry? A Prontosaur.

[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] “Yep; perfect height” [turns on Xbox]