My mother told me that I took everything for granite. Apparently our house was made of sandstone.

The Titanic was a German philosopher… It got famous for sinking.

Which part of a billiards setup can you use to clean your ears? The cue tip.

It takes a real man to be a juggler You’ve got to have balls to do it

Why did the farmer name his pig Ink? Because he kept running out of the pen.

I can’t prove it, but from the sound of it, I’m pretty sure there’s an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.

If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it.

So I went to a zoo the other day…. But all they had was a dog It was a shih tzu

He already ruined your mascara, don’t let him ruin your night.

What do you call a guy who screams, “I love you, mom!” every time he climaxes? Me.