Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hilary

What did the Duracell Bunny get arrested for? Assault and battery

What happened to the cow who jumped over the barb wire fence? Udder destruction

Did you hear about the new machine that creates earthquakes? It was groundbreaking.

“Oh no. This sucks. I’m gonna put it in a movie.” – hundreds of directors while watching 9/11, apparently

Men ask us if we’re naked when we tell them we’re taking a bath. THAT’S why they pay more for their car insurance.

What’s another name for floor pie? 3.

As I get older I realize my penis is like Jesus. It takes 3 days to reserect after a good beating.

I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments

What do you call a 45 pound Ethiopian? Fat.