I was banging my neighbors wife, doggy style, when her husband came home… She said, “OH MY GOD, use the BACKDOOR!!” I should’ve left at that point, but you don’t get an offer like that every day…

I don’t trust stairs They’re always up to something

What did the host serve his guests for The Simpsons marathon night? Disco Stew!

Why the Spainish love English class…. Essays

I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don’t have any laser hair.

I heard you guys like nooses….. We should hang together!!

My boss is marrying a Chinese woman. Is throwing rice at a Chinese wedding considered lucky or a food fight?

4yo: What do you love most in the world? Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you? 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

I’m writing a television series which involves everyone smoking dope. It’s a mellow drama.

What’s the difference between a teenager and a radioactive element? Radioactive elements last longer.