What do you call a Mesoamerican unicorn? Unimaize

Maybe if wommen’s uteroids weren’t such powerful mystery-swamps, the GOP wouldn’t have to police them with #light & #K9 units.

Why is a shooting star better than a hamburger? It’s meteor.

Why were Democrats in the lead early on? Republicans weren’t off of work yet.

Why is my penis nicknamed Johnny Depp? Because I pirate so many pornos. Edit: I don’t know how to add the nsfw tag sorry.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot — and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

What was the name of the Indian DJ? Sikh Beats.

POLISH JOKE Why do Polish people keep empty bottles in their refrigerator? For people that don’t want anything to drink

They are investigating Princes death… They dusted for prince, but found him face down in the corner.

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry potter can get out of a chamber