In a meeting. Can I go first? Thanks. Gets up and leaves.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive… try missing a couple of payments.

The Worst Journey in the World by Helen Back

Did you know that before James Gandolfini suggested the name “The Sopranos,” HBO had planned to call it “The Lasagnas?”

I wonder how long it will be before “You look like a million bucks” is an insult. #inflation

What do you call 16 white girls in a room? One whole Cherokee

I would lose weight … But I hate losing …

I swear to god dude, if you say “But what if we get arrested?” One more time you’re out of the group.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his pizza before it was cool

Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver.