What do you call a dog with no legs? It really won’t matter. He isn’t coming anyway.

Two potatoes are standing on the street corner, which one is the prostitute? The one that says Idaho

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

“It’s clear” said the teacher “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?” “Well my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!”

Keep saying yellow and soon enough It’ll sound like you’re saying gullible.

My favorite sex position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger.

is it me or do old people always end their texts with extra periods? “good seeing u today. missed u…..”

Where do ants go for their holidays ? Frants !

Me: Be back after lunch! Boss: OK Me: *texts boss APRIL FOOLS LOL* *goes home, turns on baseball*

Why shouldn’t you drink Pepsi or Coke before you turn 18 ? Because they are A-Rated . . . . . . (Aerated) for the dumbasses