Why was Hitler doomed to fail? because jew wrongs don’t make a riech

I love going to the gym this time of year because I’m a perfect example of what years of neglect and nachos can do to a body.

I love this time of year, when the temperature changes from believing in global warming to not believing in global warming.

Anytime Tim Tebow contemplates… …it’s a Christian Ponder. joke courtesy Michael Starrbury

“To prove how much I love you I’m going to eat this entire pizza.” That’s not what I – “Please stop. Let me do this.”

What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard.

GOD: Done. ANGEL: What is it? GOD: A penguin. ANGEL: So it can fly, right? GOD: This one’s a swimmin’ bird. ANGEL: Dude… are you ok?

So my wife just hit me with a “mom joke”. She says, “oh look, there’s whiteout conditions in Washington D.C. I bet Will Smith is gonna boycott”!

Why didn’t Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road? He was rushin’

My girlfriend wrote ‘Will you marry me?’ on a piece of paper and hid it in my sandwich. Unfortunately I didn’t see it and ate the lot. Not to worry though, I pooped the question this morning.