The truth about Unicorn Q: Why do unicorns only let virgin women get close to them? A: Because they are horny.

[space mission studying behaviour of snakes on the moon] astronaut: “we should’ve taken our own” astronaut holding net: “just keep looking”

I really hope we can call ninjas with red hair “ginjas”.

Why didn’t the white officer shoot the black guy? Just kidding he did

Me: I can’t work today. Boss: Why? M: My grandma died. B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago. M: … -Why working for your brother is a bad idea.

If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so- *me already pressing button* sorry, what?

TDIL: Why Arizona gets so hot. Because they don’t observe daylight saving time the heat of the day is compressed into fewer hours.

Fifty Shades of Grey. In anticipation for the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, many theaters have installed more powerful ventilation systems to compensate for the smell.

Religion is like a penis It’s OK to be proud of yours, just don’t try to shove it down your children’s throat.

There was a four-car reck in Mexico today… 93 people died