Hahaha you’re killing me. ~Me to this cigarette.

“Pete’s coming for dinner tonight.” “Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?” [Massive thud] “I’ll just check.”

What is the difference between a fridge and a pussy? The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

“This undercooked pasta is an absolute car crash” What do you mean? “It’s all denty”

so my brother noticed that his church uses girls as “altar boys” i had to tell him that not all priests are gay.

This joke is a bit like sex …hardly anyone here gets it.

Tonight I realized that I gaze at cheese in much the same way that first time mothers gaze at their newborns

What’s the Difference Between Trump and Garbage Garbage can be thrown out

What do you call an elderly nun riding a scooter? Virgin Mobile.

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couplesfight and read high quality humor columns? To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.