What does a nerd and a bad baseball player have in common? They both can’t get to first base!

My wife cheated on me after I told her about my watchmaker buddy… I guess I should get a big clock, too.

What does a German use to polish his trumpet? Toot tonic

What’s the most efficient fuel to use when chasing cars? Snow Petrol!

You must never begin a sentence “I is …”. ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence “I is …”. Clever student: Please sir, what’s wrong with “I is a vowel”.

Did you know that most statistics are made up? Around 93,7%

I like women the way I like my wine… Locked up in the cellar.

What’s the difference between terrorists and tourists? Terrorists have sympathizers.

You got some jokes? What are some good jokes you know? I would prefer ones that aren’t too raunchy.

I was going to make a joke about the midwest… …but it was too corny