How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!

Why I hate 9/11….. I hate 9/11 because my cousins died doing their favorite thing… Flying Planes.

A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor The clerk says “Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!” The Grasshopper says “What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?”

What animal brings the most boys to the yard? The [milk snake](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_snake)

What is a British woman on her period? A bloody cunt.

Adam and eve just finished having sex for the first time god looks down and sees eve washing up and says ” I’m never going to get that smell out of the fish”

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart? Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

Hey girl are you the great American West? Because you’re flat and fertile

Sorry I moaned seductively while eating a Gogurt at your bible study group.

Being a Zombie doesn’t sound that bad. You don’t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.