What’s the difference between cancer and black men Cancer got Jobs.

Just got a belly piercing. It’s a mistletoe, I don’t want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas.

Doctor Doctor I’ve broke my arm in two places Well don’t go back there again then!

Apparently Facebook has been flying drones around in third world countries They are trying to kill everyone who isn’t on facebook

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play “Cowboys and Indians.” Democrats don’t either as long as the Indians win.

Two men walk into a bar. First one says “I’ll have an H20.” Second man says, “You know what? I’ll have an H20 too.” The second man dies.

What’s a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell

Waiter there’s a fly in my soup! Surely not sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about.

Why didn’t the witch wear panties…. So she could grip the broom better.

Her:”What do you do?” Me:”I teach astronomy.” Her:”OMG!! I’m a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?” Me:”Yes, you’ll go home alone tonight.”