Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over – wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole…struggling… Okay, dont watch.

If a lesbian couple walks into a bar and the black bartender refuses to serve them, whose fault is it? A white male. Duh.

A man and woman are riding up in an elevator. The man looks at the woman and says “Can I smell your pussy?” She replies “Hell no!” The man says “Well it must be your feet then.”

All of these people are screaming like they’ve never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach.

What did the ghost say to the bees? Boo Bees

What was the smoking bee full of? Nicosting!

Q: What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action? A: An inj-oink-tion.

Some girl just caught me staring at her crotch so I gave her two thumbs up. She only deserved one, but it’s the holidays and shit.

A farmer puts his sick pig into a cold saltwater bath. Needless to say, the pig was cured.

You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.