Start the day with a big bowl of why the fuck am I awake.

What do you call a fight between a child molester and an illegal immigrant? Alien versus Predator.

If you are at school, and the urge to take drugs hits you… Speak to the supply teacher..

Bread goes in, toast comes out. EXPLAIN THAT, ATHEISTS!

Life is complex… it has both real and imaginary components.

I’m impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?

Yoda is telling a joke to the Jedi Council… “Why was six afraid of seven?” he asks. Everyone remains silent, and he says: “Because nine seven eight!”

What is 1000 laughs called? A gigglehert

A few jokes my friend told me… What do you call a bitten apple? -An Iphone. What is bigger than an Iphone? -A brick. What is smaller than an Ipad? -An Ipad Mini.

Why did the emo chicken go across the road? He was afraid to go down the tracks.