Trump isn’t bad for the economy. Because of him, Correct the Record increased it’s operational budget by 600%.

This summer I’m going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, ‘Get a life’ on them. Demetri Martin

All girls love surprises. I didn’t know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can’t understand women.

Did you see that blind guy walking down the street? No? Well he didn’t see you either.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they have machines for that these days

The Soviet Union won’t ever rise again? What a bunch of Bolshevik.

I just checked Web MD and a heart that grows two sizes is called a cardiomegaly and the grinch is pretty fortunate to be alive.

All these video games with epic orchestral music scores. Those concerned mums were right, there’s way too much violins in video games.

What’s the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

Don’t you just hate it when … You can’t understand what your girl is trying to say? Take a step back and what’s she’s trying to say will become a lot clearer