The Eddie Izzard Diabetic Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-CAKRDTH

Why do Americans hate sunlight? Because it’s yellow and settles on their land too. And it melts snow.

What do Donald Trump and the milk in my fridge have in common? It better get thrown out by November 8 or else I’m going to get violently sick.

“You’ll have more fun in high school, Zach.”nn”You’ll have more fun in college, Zach.”nn”You’ll have more fun in Hell, Zach.”

Why does the lead singer of Sublime hate tennis? Cause love is what I got

Girl Dance Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet.

Girl Dance Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet.

The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price is Right” audience.

A bear walks into a bar. He says, “I’ll have a gin… … … … and tonic.” The bartender says, “Sure, but what about the big pause?” The bear says, “I was born with them.”

Post some more song lyrics as your status. Someone will eventually understand your struggle.