How long does it take for a black woman to take the trash out? 9 months

Where do I see myself in five years? *kicks feet up on desk* Sir, does my resume list “psychics abilities” under skills? No. Next question.

What do you call a cat crossed with a canary? a cosh(x/a)

It’s uncool to be religious. It’s uncool to be atheist. If someone asks what you believe in just say Beyonce. It’s the only way to be safe.

Being bald It means you went back to your roots.

What did the football say to the football player? I get a kick out of you.

I just learned that 10 out of every 2 people suffers from Dyslexia wow… sorry, I mean wow

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office with nothing but saran wrap on. Psychiatrist says, “I can clearly see your nuts”

What’s your least favorite race? I personally can’t stand 5K’s

How Many Hipsters Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb? A: You probably wouldn’t know, it’s some really obscure number…