Short Jokes

Some people don’t like vegetable puns… but I don’t carrot all about their opinions.

Whats the difference between a Jewish and a Black person? About $100,000

I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you

NSFW How do you know your best friend is gay? His dick tastes like shit!

“DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?” I step forward boldly. “I know OF it.”

What’s the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter? A gambler might lose.

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

Me: “I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he’s the only one with glasses?” Librarian: “Just pay your fine, Ma’am.”