What do you call an angry gay guy? Oxymoron. – I will see myself out

If you are here – who is running hell?

What do you call a Frenchman in Colorado? A French Fried

I hate it when a bar of soap gets visibly dirty. I want to clean it, but down that road lies madness.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a box of dead babies ? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

If I had 3 wishes I’d spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.

These two blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would have seen it.

Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture? No! Did he hurt the cows? No he just grazed them!

Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn’t respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now

What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer! Now again: What do you call a dog in a sub? Chinese food!