I’m Torn on the Issue of Abortion…. On one hand, I support it because it is killing babies. On the other hand, it gives women a choice. Credit goes where credit’s due, /u/DJ-Salinger

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people…or sometimes floors

What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks!

Nurse: “It says here you’re lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?” Me: “No. I just really, really can’t stand polos with crocodiles on them.”

One day I mixed my girlfriend up with flour and butter then I stirred in some milk and sugar. She’s scone now…

What do you call it when you hire your relatives to play with your nipples? Nippletism

What happens when a cow jumps over barbed wire? Udder destruction!

Do we even know if ducks can fart? We should put a guy on that.

Las Vegas Floor Show What is the difference between a circus side show and a Las Vegas floor show? One has a cunning array of stunts the other has a stunning array of cunts.

Canada in view of recent events will be changing the maple leaf on the flag to a marijuana plant. That way the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the flag.