I pet my dog and he didn’t wag his tail. Is he seeing someone else? Is the magic gone? Do we need to spice things up? I’ll dress like a cat.

‘I just call it like I see it…’ -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions.

Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

What is a Cambodian’s favorite meal? Pol Pot.

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

What is it called when two birds kiss? A Peck.

why did the lion win the race? because he mufasa.

What do Bill Cosby and Santa have in common? They don’t come until you’re asleep