What do you call an uncertain insect today? A May bee.

Its possible to live on a diet of only potatoes But, as the Irish found out, it wasn’t possible to live on a diet without them.

“People should never again say that if they had a time machine, they’d go back & stop Hitler. Because we now know nobody would.” – my kid

Because United 93 didn’t hit it’s target, Osama bin Laden wasn’t perfectly happy about the terror attacks. So he rated it a 9/11.

Why dont Demons fear oxidation? Because there’s no rust for the wicked

Fortune Cookie: YOU JUST BROKE MY HOUSE IN HALF AND NOW YOU’RE READING MY JOURNAL

Why do Russians have so many bear fighting stories? Because their liquor is strong and their women are hairy.

i’m just like one of the ladies in the commercials! dancin around with nair on my pits! usin a tampon as a mic as i lipsync the cranberries!

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer? Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)

Why couldn’t JFK become a boxer? Because he couldn’t take a shot to the head!