Why couldn’t JFK become a boxer? Because he couldn’t take a shot to the head.

What was the last thing that went through the fly’s head when he hit the windshield? His ass.

What do you call a Mexican Girl with no legs? *cunts*-*way*-*low*

What’s the similarity between women and dogshit? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

It’s been a rough morning. Picked up my coffee, handle came off. Put on a shirt, button came off. Grabbed my tool box, handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom!

I couldn’t be trusted with a time machine. I’d get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.

If I owned my own strip club, I’d probably name it ‘The Museum’ ‘Cause, you know, no touching. If ‘The Museum’ worked out, I might open another one and call it “Blue Balls.” Pretty self explanatory.

Why do mules not work as hard as horses? Because they’re half-assed!

How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her enough

What do you call an Asian woman who lives next to a data centre? Ping Lo.