My Pet Mouse Elvis Died Today He got caught in a trap.

A man walks into the bedroom holding a sheep, And says, I just wanted to show you the pig I was fucking. His wife says that’s not a pig, and he responds I know I was talking to the sheep.

For some reason, the Disney movie “101 Dalmatians” was much more popular than it’s sequel “Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity.”

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Did you know cats can jump higher than houses? This is because houses don’t.

I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.

Honey, I’m pregnant.. Hi Pregnant, I’m dad.

Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was “we really shouldn’t be talking about this”.

So, I haven’t seen the vice president in the news much recently I think that he may just be Biden his time

Tissues are for tearful issues and for when people think it’s funny but it’s snot.