I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn’t realize that you could get them in bulk now.

50 shades of grey Girl 1: Hey have you read 50 shades of grey yet? Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover! Girl 1: And the index? Girl 2: Exhausted…

I also painted my computer black, hoping it would run faster. But the police choked it to death, and ruled it justified.

Someone told me it was important to have relationships with positive people. Now I have AIDS

i took my dog to the vet he never got dry again

A tornado is a lot like having an affair. At first there is a lot of blowing, but in the end, you just lose your house.

A Trump Irony How is Trump going to keep immigrants out if he can’t keep protesters from crashing his rally?

Taco Bell doesn’t have a playground, because kids that eat Taco Bell can’t climb, or run.

My urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

She meant Trump My father and I were in a intense fight over the Presidential Run. My mom interupted, “Triumph would win since every man loves his brand”.