What’s the biggest advantage to living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

“Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen… ” Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fourteen…

Anti-vaxxers make me SICK! Or they would, if my parents were imbeciles

Dear Monday: I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? They’re trying not to attract any more undue blame then they already have.

[breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

I was going to make a documentary about my sex life but somebody else snatched up the rights to the title. TROLLHUNTER

You know Reddit, yall like school in the summertime… No class.

Time Lords make the worst lovers… It’s always bigger on the inside

A stitch in time… Would confuse Einstein