How is a good criminal defense lawyer like a dead hooker? I use them both to get off.

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say ‘Go back you didn’t say ‘May I?”

What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined? The Beatless

What do Reddit and building a mile long fence have in common? Post…repost…..repost….repost…repost…

I’m white, but not have good credit white.

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.

My wife asked if I ever think about someone else during sex… “Nope, just myself.”

My brother and I replaced the tennis balls on Nana’s walker with superballs and watching her bounce down the steps was a kodak moment.

I’m being managed by Don King again