[Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science.

Why don’t professional athletes ride bikes to warm-up before games? Because then they’d be two tired

Yesterday, I got so depressed.. ..I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records. . . Or that’s what I thought until I realised my cat had fallen in to the dryer.

If by speaking Spanish you mean speaking in English but slower and louder, then yes, I speak Spanish.

I’m trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection? Not movies.

What is the best way to make your dick look and feel really big? Fuck a toddler.

Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming “stay away from me!”

In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up.

Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!

My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth.