I hate it when somebody always comments on my status but never likes them.

How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1… or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?

I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be exactly two, and now it’s too offensive to talk about.

How many Nazis did it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, despite crimes against humanity they were efficient people and had state of the art engineering.

What do you call a know-it-all Mexican? A Solution Manuel

sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don’t think they’re ugly or something

You know those people who only tweet once every couple of days? What do they have going on that I don’t? I mean, besides a life.

I am a waiter in need of false teeth. Do I need to look for a new job? I don’t think indentured servants are legal any more.

What is a bacteria’s OTHER favorite dish? The PETRI dish!