thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon

I hate when I’m trying to do shit and I have a wife

These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet.

What’s the difference between Black man, and Batman? Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.

Why didn’t the Asian man cry when his wife died? Because he just couldn’t bereave it.

Sometimes, during the movie previews, I’ll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, “We should really go see that together.”

Moshe was walking down the street and gets run over by another Jewish driver. The driver speeds away and yells out the window “Watch Out”! Moshe responds “Why? Are you coming back?

What does the cow say while having sex? Nothing… she just mmmooOOOAAAANNnnnsssss…

Dear protestors, Rosa parks refused to give up her seat on the bus, she didn’t trash it. There’s a difference. Pls don’t crucify me

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.