Be careful how much wine you drink, might end up vacuuming the driveway in your panties

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting injected with tetanus.

Would an unfulfilled beer ad bikini model… be known as a sadder Budweiser girl?

What do you call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe? Fur traders.

[tv ad] Hey folks, this is Don Key! Come on down to Key’s Automotive for.. uh- [camera still rolling] holy shit .. donkey. my name is donkey

You know those before-after models? I’m a professional before model

I’m not a lucky man I once gambled on a couch and won a baby

Why has Santa Claus such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.

You must be an angel, because your texture mapping is so divine!

God said, “Peter, come forth…” But he came fifth and got a toaster instead.