Dear Dude, who’s slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can’t keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie.

Entered into a hot potato competition today. It really got outta hand.

Why did God make farts smell? So that deaf people could enjoy them too.

Q: What did the mermaid do last Saturday night? A: She went out with the tide.

How do they separate the men from the boys in Athens? With a crowbar.

Nice try Asian guy in porns.

Why should Donald Trump change his name to Donald Duck? Because he’s a quack.

How can you tell if someone’s a redditor,in real life? Ask them if they’re on reddit. I’m sorry.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Change?!

“The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy.” “What’s the other eye called?”