*reads sign* No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service! *takes off pants*

My wife’s cooking is incredible. With a silent ‘cr’.

why doesn’t mexico have an olympic team? because everybody that can run, swim or jump in in the united states…

*ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it’s my only one]

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long since New Year at Hooters. Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

What did the insurance company say to the applicant? THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

I was about to tell a DUMB Nirvana joke, but…. NEVERMIND.

What did the egg say to the boiling water? “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

The greatest joke about being gullible

What did the drowning mathematician say? Logloglogloglog…