Moses talking to a burning bush was child’s play …compared to the miracle of getting a hundred thousand Jews to voluntarily go in to the Red ~~sea~~.

How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3….one to bend over, one to screw the lightbulb in, and one to drive the gay pride day parade float.

Sometimes I just wish I was black. That way I wouldn’t have to deal with all the dad jokes

How do you get a kleenex to dance? You put a little boogie in it.

If u think ur parents did nothing for you, remember Jackie Shrof named his son Tiger and Bappi Da named his son Bappa. Respect your parents

Wait, so hallways in mental institutions aren’t called psychopaths? Well they should be.

Is it me or does it seem like Cinco de Mayo is always on May 5th?

“Socks… they’re like… soft little canoes for your feet.” – Don Draper, having a stroke

Clever Commas If your Uncle Jack helped you get off an elephant, would you help your uncle, jack off an elephant.

I wonder how telemarketers react to other telemarketers when they are at home…