[parent-teacher conference] Teacher: Which kid is yours? Me: I don’t have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin’?

I’m single by choice. But it’s not my choice.

Why are Jewish men circumcised ? Because a Jewish woman won’t touch anything unless it’s 50% off.

Why do men pay more for car insurance? Women don’t get blowjobs while they’re driving.

You know, Professional Wrestling is lot like the country of China. 90% of the stuff they do is Fake.

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman? “Do you sell flip-flips?”

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !

ELI5: What are thoooooooose?!?

What do you call an aardvark that writes poems? A bardvark!