If I see you being rude to a waitress, I’ll spit in your food myself.

My wife came in and caught me watching something X rated material… “Someone’s set the channel numbers to Roman numerals!” I exclaimed.

A skeleton walks into a bar…. …asks for a pint and a mop.

Pete Rose had a 90 second ovation at the all star game. It brought a tear to his eye…. Because he took the over.

You said clothes were 50% off But not one woman in here is topless That false advertising!

The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.

Why is the space between a woman’s chest and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

What do you call a corrupt lawyer? Senator.

What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction

Who surfs the Net by pecking at the keyboard? www.oody www.oodpecker.