Met someone on Craigslist, guess I’m dating a grill now.

A man walks up to two nuns and reveals himself to them, one had a stroke… … the other couldn’t quite reach.

How many fuccbois does it take to screw in a lightbulb? idk, you dtf tho?

Confucius Say Women who fly plane upside down have crack up.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tyred. Alexa gave me that one. Bing Bang boom.

If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That’s how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

I’ve drawn a cartoon picture of Mohamed and signed it Kim Jong-un. Let’s see where this goes.

What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It’s nice being single again

The Grim Reaper walks over to you in his Uggs, taps his Michael Kors watch and says, “you’re literally dead.”