Why wouldn’t you laugh at punch lines in a circle-jerk? You’d see them coming.

And satan said “let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you” and it was so

Interviewer: Please take off your sunglasses.. Me: Nah, I’m afraid you’ll see how high I am

What does a radical, democrat and republican have in common? They both want to make money off of other people’s work!

Relationships are like onions They seem harmless on the outside but once you get into it you’ll cry.

I said to my girlfriend, “Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?” She said, “**NO!**” I said, “*That’s the spirit!*” Jimmy Carr

Yesterday, I told my son about the Tooth Fairy. Today, I find 33 teeth under his pillow. Clearly they are not his. I am very, very afraid.

How do you know you’re allergic to cats if you don’t even eat them?

Did you hear about the avon lady ? Max Factor

Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas