A seal walks into a bar A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, “What’s your pleasure?” The seal replies, “Anything but Canadian Club.”

I have a new party trick. I swallow two bits of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together… I shit you knot!

The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, “Move to the passenger seat”.

What’s the difference between a redditor and a dead baby? The redditor never gets gold

Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do

What’s the difference between a clit and the mini bar in a hotel? Most men can find the mini bar in less than 3 minutes.

What does a light bulb filled with gas?

Yesterday at around 830pm a man pulled out a pair of scissors at me Luckly I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock because if I were have pulled out paper he would have won.

Life without bacon is meaning less… That’s why we can kill the jews.

How can you tell if a shark has dandruff? He left his head and shoulders on the beach.