Why did Jesus get a ticket? He tried to skip the Cross walk.

There’s a Little House On The Prairie film in the works, in case any of you are looking to take a two-hour nap in a theatre next year.

Whale joke How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers!

The glass ceiling is dangerous. I can’t believe they’d let a woman up there. (Credit to Raising Hope)

What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

Paddy and Murphy find a mirror. Paddy picks it up, has a look and says to Murphy ” that bloke looks really familiar “. Murphy grabs it off him ” Its me you idiot “

Had to quit my job as an underwear model because the photographer kept telling me, “I’m just a cashier” and that I “need to leave Macy’s.”

What’s the difference between a terrorist and a civilian? I don’t know man, I just fly the drones.

I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

What’s the best thing about having sexy with twenty one year olds? There’s twenty of ’em. edit: autocorrect is a bitch – we all know what it should say.