How do you get a mermaid pregnant? You fuck her.

How did Jim Henson die? He Kermitted suicide

How much did the Cubs pay the devil to win the World Series? 2016.

Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for “Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud.”

The real reason Jesus died on the cross He forgot the safeword.

Santa Claus came early! Mrs. Claus wasn’t too happy.

What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I’m at your service ma’am.

Tattooes turn an average man into a man to look twice at. If i see ink i know he can handle pain….and that works for me, cause I’m a pain.

Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.

What’s the best way to attract a pervert? The NSFW tag, you freak