What do you call a spinning potato? A ro-tater.

wife: [crying] “he always calls me weird pet names” therapist: “what do you mean?” me: [arriving late] “what’s wrong my little hovercraft?”

What do you call a German tampon? A twatstika.

Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he’ll do with both packs.

What kind of cake stops blowjobs? (NSFW) Weddding Cake

A blonde sees a another blonde across a lake and asks “How do I get to the other side?” the other blonde replies… “You are on the other side”.

How do you say “whoops” in German? World War 2

Old cows eventually make for the best glue So if Hillary Clinton becomes president, there’s hope that our divided country can once again stick together.

I want an app that tells me when someone is thinking about me while having sex with someone else.

Rumor has it that John Wayne’s autopsy revealed 40 pounds of fecal matter lodged in his intestines But it turned out to be a lot of shit