You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they’re chewing

I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.

What do they say for jokes about German sausages? They are the wurst.

Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English.

Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.

How do you help a lemon? Lemon-aid.

(Pickup line) Are you a test-tube baby? Because you’re perfect.

The last thing I remember was my Mom telling me to “Take Care”. I did, and now Liam Neeson is chasing me.

What do you call baby ents that are going to war? The infantree.

Chop, chop! – Chop, chop! – Who’s there? – Han. – Han who? – Hannibal.