Knock Knock Who’s there? Europe Europe who? No you’re a poo!

Did you know that God is rich? Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet.

“Why did you leave your last job?” -I had a typo in a tweet. “Mistakes happen!” -I worked for Yahoo Finance. “Thanks for coming in. Bye”

My first sex was like 100m dash… … with 8 black men and a gun.

God *up on a chair, shrieking*: GET IT GET IT Mrs God: You know they’re more afraid of you than you are of them *gently sweeps man outside*

My son ask me dad why don’t I have a mom because she was shocked when I presented you too her and told her here’s are new son

Answering Machines “I’m only here in spirit at the moment, but if you’ll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I’m here in person.”

I want to go to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant, throw a plate of risotto against the wall, and say “Whoever made this is a fucking donkey!”

Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel’s show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees? In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.

What is large, grey and sings great jazz songs? Elephants Gerald