How many mangoes make a dozen? Six girls 😉

What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college? A Graduated cylinder.

You eat what? Knock knock Who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who!

The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don’t.

Why was the butcher fired? Because he was caught *beating his meat*!

“I felt a hair in my mouth but I pulled out a strand of colorful scarves. I knew then.” -David Copperfield’s unauthorized bio I’m writing

[baby throws up all over the couch] Cmon dude, I let you live here for free

Men are three times more likely to successfully commit suicide than women. We get the shit done right.

You know you’re getting old when you sound like a women’s tennis match just trying to get out of bed.

A women can only run as fast as her boobs will allow her.